5. Only Pee In A Toilet
Although I didn’t mention this first, this is probably one of the more important rules of being drunk: only pee in a toilet. Yes, you heard me. Unless you are wearing an adult diaper (this is another issue for another post), any other area that seems like an acceptable option at the time, probably isn’t. You don’t have the coordination needed to master peeing in a bottle or a shrub, no matter how good you think you can do this without exposing your bush or peeing on yourself. Always be aware of where the closest and most convenient bathroom of your own gender is located. (There may be some instances where a sink may be used as a toilet, but these circumstances are very rare, so use your best judgement.)
6. Do NOT Run
Unless you are being chased down by a large animal, or worse, a police officer, do NOT run. Walking has worked for centuries in getting humans to their destination. There really isn’t a need to do anything at a fast pace when you are trashed. Doing so only increases your chances of falling. I have friends who are famous for the scars on their knees, and it’s almost always because of the unnecessary pace in which they think their feet must move.
7. Eat Food
Duh, right!? I’m sure you already know that eating will slow down the rate at which your body absorbs all of that alcohol. Yes, this seems to completely defeat the purpose, but it will help you in a bind, like when you think you may be leaving the “classy drunk” stage and headed towards offensive territory.