Last Updated on June 24, 2019
1. Wear Black & Consider Your Drink Of Choice
First, consider your cocktail of choice. If you are wearing clothes, stay away from bloody mary’s, red wine, or any other drink with color. Nothing says “look at that drunk person over there” more than a cosmopolitan trailing down the front of your white shirt. If you truly want to avoid any type of obvious spillage, just plan ahead and wear black. This is what all experienced drinkers do – It’s the dipsomaniac’s color of choice.
2. Martini Glasses Are Not Your Friend
Martini glasses take a little more skill and expertise to achieve, so I’d steer clear of those completely. This type of cocktail glass seems to produce what many call “hole-in-the-lip” syndrome. It’s a very serious condition that seems to get worse with increased alcohol consumption.
3. Drink Wine (just for appearances)
Some people may think that drinking wine will give you the illusion of being elegant or sophisticated. They are absolutely right. It does. You will look superior to all of the other boozers in the bar. They will think you are cultured and refined, incapable of becoming stupid or sloshed. They are obviously wrong about your character, but you are only going for appearances here, therefor creating this illusion is really all that matters.
If you really want to impress, just order something off of the wine menu that is hard to pronounce (perhaps something Italian or French?). Even if you don’t pronounce it correctly, if you say it with poise and confidence, they will only be able to assume that you did. Now, with that said, don’t forget tip#1: Unless you’re wearing dark clothing, order white wine. But, not Moscato. Please do not order Moscato.